Parents experiencing the loss of a baby
We are so sorry that your baby has died. Those of us involved in the Heaven’s Gain ministry understand first-hand how devastating a miscarriage can be, and are sorry for all you are going through. We pray daily for those experiencing miscarriage, stillbirth, and infant loss. We are called to this ministry so that all parents have respectful delivery options, and the chance to grieve for their child. When facing decisions about fetal or infant loss, parents should be fully informed and not be rushed into any decisions. Naturally, we implore you to listen to your doctor’s advice. Usually there is enough time to consider many of the necessary choices.
Blessings and healing, – Donna and Jim Murphy
Ideas for a birth plan may include:
  • Take pictures of your baby. Bring a separate SD card so they do not show up unexpectedly in the future. Many people later regret not taking pictures of their baby. If your baby was 20 weeks or older, there are professional photographers who do this for free.
    You may want to investigate this online resource:
  • Spend time with your baby. You will never get this time back.
  • Collect keepsakes you can put in a baby book or memory box such as little blankets, caps, hospital bracelets, footprints and handprints, clay imprints of feet.
  • Let family members, especially siblings to the baby, say their goodbyes when you are up to it.
  • Don’t be afraid to say what you want for the baby.
  • Name your baby, and call him or her by name.
  • Take your time making decisions. Discuss options with your spouse before finalizing any decision.
  • Know that chromosomal testing can be performed from the placenta and umbilical cord, and may not require the baby itself.
  • You can and should set boundaries. People may say the wrong thing. Forgive their ignorance, and tell them your boundaries.
  • Know that grieving is hard work, and takes time. Don’t rush it.
  • Journal your thoughts. By journaling, you can release some stress, create memories, and promote healing. Listening to music related to loss may help during this process
  • Allow others to help. Accept meals, help around the house, and babysitting. It is hard enough just to make it through each day. Letting others help can lift burdens form you, and allows others to contribute when there is little else they can do.
  • Find a support group in your area. You can check with SHARE or Faces of Loss/ Faces of Hope. Also, you can check with Family Loss Baby Advisor/ Loss Doulas International.
  • Know that you will always miss your baby, but it will not hurt this badly forever. In time, you will find your new normal, and laugh and have fun again.
  • Know that you are not alone. Pregnancy loss is not that unusual. One in four pregnancies is lost in the first trimester. One in thirty-three babies die in the second trimester. One in 160 babies die in the third trimester. There are people near you who understand how hard this kind of loss is. Try and connect with one of them. You can ask for a pregnancy loss peer, check with a support group, or ask for a loss doula in this time of sorrow.

We would like to make a few suggestions/recommendations. First and foremost, pray to God for physical, emotional, and spiritual strength as you deliver your miscarried baby.

Make a birth plan for the hospital. The best, most informed choices help enhance a loving encounter with your baby. These special and meaningful moments help create lasting memories that bring comfort over time. The birth plan is not written in stone. You can always alter it, but you may forget your plans if you do not write them down.   Here is a link to our fill in the blank template birth plan.

Baby Loss Family Advisors

The best, most informed choices help enhance a loving encounter with your baby. These special and meaningful moments help create lasting memories that bring comfort over time. A Heaven’s Gain Baby Loss Family Advisor is much like a parent advocate. She can be available via phone, email, or in person to offer services.

You are not alone
You are not alone. One out of every thirty-three babies are miscarried or stillborn in the second trimester. One in 160 are stillborn or die shortly after birth. Parents who have lost a baby in miscarriage or stillbirth are still parents to that child. The baby just resides in a different place, which we believe is heaven. We are here to help. Please read our information pages for more help or give us a call (513) 607-6083.